What I've learned

Up until recently, I had always believed that success, at least financial success, was something you arrived at after you had completed a checklist of necessary requirements that included things like education, work ethic, prudence, tithing, etc. And that anyone who wasn't successful must have missed an item on this checklist. Perhaps they were educated but just didn't work hard enough. Or they were a hard worker but lacked education. Or they were foolish with their money. Or that they had done something to deserve their situation. Obviously I passed way too much judgment on others and their financial situations. Enter karma and let the butt-kicking begin.

I was always rather proud of how financially stable Brian and I were at such a young age. We had a budget from day 1 and we stuck to it. We had savings. We worked on our food storage and over a few years we accumulated a years worth. We paid off my little school loan. We kept our old cars in good repair. We didn't eat out a lot or splurge very much but we did ok. Then Brian went to grad school and with much trepidation we took out student loans. We both prayed about this and we both separately got answers that yes, he needed to do this. So, we trusted in that answer and went forward. Brian worked hard. I worked hard. We did the best we could. I blindly assumed that some magical opportunity would come our way when he graduated. Because if we were told to go into debt then surely there would be a way provided for us to get back out of it, right?
 
But an opportunity never came.

Then it came time for me to have Shye. We had always talked about me quitting and staying home with our kids when we had them. But when the time came, it felt financially impossible. So I took a maternity leave and decided to take those few weeks to really consider my options. I prayed about it and the moment I first held Shye I knew that my answer was to stay home with her. The answer was so clear for me, but the implementation was not. I didn't know how we were going to make it. But again, I trusted that something would just work out. That perhaps we would be rewarded for our faith and Brian would get a job that would make up for lack of income.

But he didn't. Instead he ended up getting a second job and then a third job.

After a year of him working 60+ hour weeks (and having 3 callings at church on top of that) and me being home alone with a baby all the time we realized that we weren't really getting anywhere in CA. We moved to Utah thinking that perhaps with the more affordable living conditions he could just work one job and we would be able to live like a normal family.

But here we are, over a year later still living in my mil's basement.

The worst part of it all is the way people judge us. There is seems to be an unspoken belief amongst members of the Church that financial struggles are a form of punishment. That somewhere along the way they did something to deserve to deserve their troubles. This is obvious from the condescending tone of voice people use when they ask us questions like, "So what exactly did/do you plan to do?" or "What kind of a job are you looking for?" Whenever adult children are living with their parents the assumption is that they are lazy, entitled, selfish, spoiled, etc. 

But the truth is, we have worked so hard. We have followed every answer we have ever gotten in our prayers. We were prudent in our spending over the years and we only ever went into debt for education.  We've gone without smartphones, GPS, internet, cable, etc. Shye and I get our clothes at the thrift store. We've always paid our tithing, and fast offerings. We've served in our callings. We've given to others when we had it to give. Brian has spent countless hours working on applications, resumes, networking, tweaking his website. We've fasted, we've prayed. Our families have fasted and prayed. We've been patient or we are at least trying our best to be. We have been trying to see what we can learn from this situation and make the best of it.

But I'm getting a little frustrated.

I wonder if it's too much to ask for our own living space. For new hearing aids, ones that aren't cracked and don't have shards breaking off into my ear canal and you know, actually help me hear better. For some new contacts that aren't three years old and make my eyes look like I've been up all night drinking. For a new pair of glasses because the pair I have right now are so old I don't even think it's legal for me to be driving with them on. For a new(er) car, one that doesn't feel like a rattling death trap that constantly leaks all it's various fluids on everyone's driveways. For health insurance that isn't a complete ripoff so that we can actually use it when we get sick or have miscarriages. For a trip to the grocery store that doesn't give me an anxiety attack. For my husband to only have to work one job to make this all possible, instead of two or three.

My point in all this is say, I get it now. I get that things don't always work out even when you've done everything you supposed to. That things happen that you could never predict or plan for. That success is never guaranteed. That good people sometimes have financial struggles and, much to my utter dismay, rotten people can sometimes be wildly prosperous. These days I couldn't care less about having name brand clothes, designer purses, a fancy car, or a big house. I would be happy with a small house, a reliable car, good health insurance, and to be able to go on a family vacation every year. Heck, I'd be happy to wear thrift store clothes for the rest of my life if I could have those things. And most importantly, I've learned to be a little less judgmental and a whole lot more compassionate.

Lesson learned. Now if someone could relay this message to karma, that'd be great.