I can't help...

I can't help but feel like a complete loser who is trying to get a free lunch when my debit card is declined for a $6 In N Out meal. Backstory: Brian is very paranoid about identity theft and stuff. So we buy everything on our American Express which has ID theft protection and we get 5% back every year. And then we just pay off the balance every month out of our savings account. We don't really keep any money in our checking account. Our little system works perfectly...until someone doesn't take American Express. Then I'm sol.

I can't help but feel completely flattered when I get carded for buying fireworks. Really, just the thought that someone out there in the universe thought that I could possibly pass for an 18 year old is enough to make my day, shoot, make that my month. I almost leaned over and kissed that darling, albeit slightly pimply-faced, teen-aged checkout boy. 

I can't help but wonder if life is even worth living anymore now that I haven't eaten carbs or sugar for 6 weeks. But I'm so close to my goal weight. I normally wouldn't be in such a rush to lose weight but I'm really trying to lose all the pregnancy weight here before trying again. I'm honestly shocked that I've made it this far. I had planned to just cut out carbs for two weeks just to jump-start my weight loss. But all the intense carb cravings subsided after about a week and I figured I might as well just keep going. Or maybe I'm just depressed. Carb depression, yeah that sounds more like it. Do me a favor and keep me in your thoughts next time you eat a doughnut.

I can't help but wonder if I was adopted when my own mother doesn't recognize me just because I'm wearing a bandana and lipstick. On the fourth of July we had planned to meet each other at the parade and when I spotted her in the crowd I waved to her but she just looked blankly at me. I smiled and waved at her again and she just looked away. Finally I walked over to her and it wasn't until I was two feet away from her that she finally recognized me. She told me she thought I was a hippie and couldn't figure out why I was smiling and waving like a lunatic. Gee, thanks mom.

I can't help but feel like the universe hates me when I'm running across the street in between floats during the 4th of July parade and my nose randomly starts bleeding and then I trip and almost get run over by a ginormous Uncle Sam float. Though, now that I think about it, what a way to go out, huh? No one would be able to crack a joke about me being a communist ever again.