A misnomer if there ever was one

If there ever was a misnomer that makes my head want to explode it would have to be the term "chemical pregnancy". A chemical pregnancy sounds like a fake pregnancy, right? It sounds like perhaps there isn't really a conception or anything like that involved. It sounds like your body got confused and was chemically pregnant but not really pregnant, doesn't it?

I recently had another miscarriage. A few days before my period was due I was feeling nauseous, exhausted, and I was having nutty dreams. Crazy dreams are a hallmark of all my pregnancies so I was pretty sure I was pregnant. A home pregnancy test confirmed my suspicions. I hate to say it, but I was much more cautious about letting myself get excited this time around, despite the fact that my doctor told me after my last miscarriage that I would most likely carry the next baby to term. Apparently it isn't very common to suffer repeat miscarriages. But at exactly five weeks along I started cramping and bleeding and some blood tests revealed that my hcg levels were plummeting, indicating a miscarriage. Even though I wasn't nearly as devastated as I was the last time I was still pretty disappointed. 

While almost everyone I told was very nice and understanding about it there was one person (who doesn't read this blog, thank goodness) suggested that it wasn't a big deal because it was just a chemical pregnancy. I was rather taken aback. Umm, no, I was really pregnant. Both the home pregnancy test and the lab work confirmed that I was pregnant.

But then I did some more research. A chemical pregnancy is the term used for an early miscarriage, typically one that happens before 6 weeks. There is indeed a conception and (usually) an implantation. But the only indicators of the pregnancy are a missed period, or chemical tests like a home pregnancy test or an hcg blood test. Hence the term chemical pregnancy. At the point when a pregnancy is detectable via ultrasound it becomes a clinical pregnancy, usually around 6 weeks. A miscarriage before 6 weeks is called a chemical pregnancy not because you weren't really pregnant, but because it was too early to be detected via ultrasound.

As for me, I'm fine. I'm grateful to know that I can get pregnant. For a long time there I was worried that I was always going to have a hard time conceiving. But that doesn't seem to be the problem anymore. Bodies are weird, right? I think the hardest part about all of this is not being in control. I like being in charge. I like planning, making pro/con lists, to do lists, and so forth. And it isn't any different for me when it comes to having a baby. I mean, I made up my mind a long time ago about what months are optimal for getting pregnant. I already know I don't want to have an August baby because they typically struggle in school the most because they are the youngest. I don't really like the thought of being pregnant at all during the summer, especially not in my third trimester so June and July babies are out too. And then December babies always get the short end of the stick when it comes to birthdays. In my mind, spring would really be most ideal time for having a baby, but May is already too full of birthdays on the Faye side of the family and my side of the family has too many April birthdays. So I have a short list of acceptable months to conceive in. But unfortunately, I'm finding out that I'm not as in charge as I would like to think I am. Apparently, babies come when they are supposed to come. And it seems like mine are taking their sweet time deciding when they want to come. Obviously, patience has never been one of my strong suits and boy, am I getting schooled here.

me and my sweet nephew Liam