My Lemonade Summer

About five years ago, in May of 2008, I had one of those life-defining, watershed moments. (What is a watershed anyway?) You see, I was very unhappy during those first nine months in CA. I was working at a job I didn't enjoy. I had to sit on the freeway for an hour to and from work each day which caused me to hate every single CA driver that has ever lived or ever will live. I hated the smog. I hated how expensive everything was. I hated living in an apartment complex where there were drug deals went on openly in the courtyard. Brian was gone ALL the time, usually 4 nights a week and often on Saturdays. We were too poor for cable and internet at home. I didn't have any friends. So I would basically go home from work and stare at my walls. You get the picture, I was miserable. All I could think about was how badly I wanted to go back to Utah, back to my old life.

But then, on that fateful day in May of '08 (I'm reaching new levels of drama here, aren't I?) while sitting on the freeway silently cursing all the drivers that were cutting me off, it suddenly struck me: happy or unhappy, I was stuck here for another two years. I decided right then that I was done being miserable. Our situation wasn't what I wanted it to be but that didn't mean that I had to unhappy. I needed to stop dwelling on how much better things were in Utah, I wasn't going back, at least not for the time being. I decided I was going to take the next two years and enjoy them for what they were. I even decided I was going to love CA. Or try to anyway. And so, little by little I learned to enjoy CA. I found little pockets of joy. The beach. Disneyland. A Target on practically every corner. I joined a gym and worked out regularly. I made a few friends at work and a few friends in my ward. I joined a book club. I even came to sort of enjoy my long sits on the freeway everyday, that is where I did all my semi-deep thinking for this ol' blog of mine and I also picked up a few CA driving techniques myself. (Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?) But overall, my situation didn't really ever change. I was still stuck in the same apartment, at the same job, dirt poor, and Brian was still gone all the time. But I was happy. And it all boiled down to just making the decision to be so.

What's the significance of all this? Well, things obviously haven't been going so well for us this past year. I keep hoping that things are going to get better but man, life keeps knocking us down. Jobs, finances, miscarriage, sickness, ankle/leg breaking. And just this past weekend it started to get hot. Summer is my least favorite time of year. To top things off those 11 weeks of being pregnant left me 20lbs heavier (despite my best efforts, I tend gain the majority of all my pregnancy weight early on, with Shye I gained 40 lbs total but I gained the first 30lbs in the first 20 weeks) and all that extra fluff is only adding to my discomfort.  Bleh. I was sitting here the other day thinking about how horrible this summer is going to be and it struck me that it didn't have to be horrible. I learned five years ago that my happiness doesn't lie in any of those outside factors.

You know what they say: when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Which is just dumb really, I don't even like lemonade. I just want life to hand me a freakin diet Coke. Is that too much to ask? But until life does hand me a diet Coke (or a job, or our own apartment, or baby) I guess I will be over here making lemonade and trying my best to enjoy it. So here's to my lemonade summer!

p.s. for those of you on instagram, I'm starting a hashtag #lemonadesummer. Feel free to join me, you know, if you are into that sorta thing.