My year in status

At the end of every year on Facebook I do a Year in Status collage. It is pretty much a mini journal of my daily vapid musings. Fun stuff. I'm not sure why but for some reason this year the app isn't working for me. Who knows, maybe they've banned me. But not to be thwarted, I figured I would share my favorite status updates here with you.

January

• Even with three college degrees between the two of us, Brian and I still have a hard time deciphering the instruction booklets that came with our Ikea furniture.
• Tried to work out last night but was FORCED to go to Cafe Rio instead. Oh the injustice...
• Happiness is discovering that a Chipotle just opened up a mile away from your office.
• I would like to dedicate this status to the hotness that is Christian Bale. Love the long hair Christian!
• I would like to dedicate this status to the hotness that is Brian Faye. Happy 5 years love!
• Hanging with an Oscar nominee, keeping my eyes peeled for celebrities, watching lots of movies, and freezing my butt off. Yep, I'm at the Sundance film festival.

February

• Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman #432: "Honey, you really should lay off the doughnuts, you are starting to look like me" says a overweight lady at church. 
• Aussie cheese fries + Season 4 of Deadliest Catch = Brian and Shawna's idea of a romantic Valentine's Day.
• Dear Baby Faye, Those are my vital organs you are playing with. Please don't break them. Love, Momma
• After watching Anne of Green Gables it seems that cracking a slate over someone's head is the best way to secure their life long undying devotion. Now where can I buy a slate?

March

• Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen are living proof that everyone has a soulmate.
• Braxton Hicks and I are getting to know each other real well.
• Hmmn...there's a tsunami warning for the CA coast and guess what my fellow Southern Californians are doing? Lining up on the beach to watch for it. Yay for smart people. 
• Wow. I can now add "coughing until I throw up" to my list of "things that sound like fun but really aren't".
• I got to work today and realized I forgot to put on half my make up. Please pray for everyone who has to look at me today.

April

• So long! Farwell! Auf Wiedersehen! Defriend!
• Help!!! I'm a victim of fetal abuse!
• Maternity leave: the second best thing to not being pregnant on your birthday. 
• 14 years ago today I had just turned 14 and I met the love of my life at my first dance. Can't wait to see what the next 14 years bring!
• I can't eat, I can't sleep, but I can do a fantastic impression of a beached whale. 
• "Donald, we would rather give communism a go than have that tree sloth you call a hairdo in the White House for four years." - words of wisdom from DeNae Handy
• I'm going to be pregnant forever. Seriously, my dr. just confirmed it.

May

• Dr appointment report: zero, zilch, nada. All those pre-labor symptoms I've been suffering for the past two weeks are just my baby's way of torturing me. 
• Expired due date = expired sanity
• Not to be outdone by his wife who will be giving birth sometime today or tomorrow, Brian decided to break his foot. We will make a fun pair at the hospital. 
• Dark hair and blonde eyelashes. My daughter is pretty much the opposite of me.
• I can't stop staring at my baby. Or my ankles. Love both of them. 
• Broken hearing aid + colicky baby = blessing in disguise

June

• Just found out the hard way that my three week old daughter can indeed roll.
• I'm finally able to squeeze back into my pre-pregnancy jeans...as long as I don't breathe. Oh well, who needs oxygen anyway?
• Shye turned one month old today and she decided to have a blowout to celebrate.
• Brian Faye is turning 30 today. I think it's time to trade him in for a newer model. :)
• Brian and I always divide our tasks. For example, I'm always the one to do the dieting but he is the one who loses the weight.

July

• I feel incredibly tall today thanks to the Munchkin Convention going on down the street at Disneyland. 
• Put on a swimsuit, sat in traffic for two hours to get to the beach, and then got serenaded by a little Asain dude wearing an American flag speedo. It was a traumatic day all around.
• Dear England, Happy Break-Up Day! Love, America
• Shye has a diaper blowout every time I wear a certain pair of jeans. She is very opinionated about my fashion choices.
• 1 grandma + 2 aunts + three female cousins = 1 spoiled baby (and a vacation for momma).
• I saw C Jane at the University Mall in Provo today. I believe my exact words were "Holy crap! That's C Jane!" Thank goodness she didn't hear me...and that I've never seen any real celebrities.

August

•   I get sick every time I go on vacation. Maybe I'm allergic?
• If only losing weight were as easy as losing money in the stock market. 
• Huggies, Pampers, Luvs, there is no diaper that Shye can not blow out of. 
• Polyvore and Pinterest are going to be the death of me. And my marriage. 

September

• There must be a wormhole in the space-time continuum through which all baby sock disappear. 
• Dear 3am, I really want to sleep with you. Love, Shawna
• Fake pregnancy epidemic on facebook = breast cancer awareness?
• Dear facebook, Stop reinventing yourself, you are not Lady Gaga.
• It was a big day for Shye. She figured out how to roll from her front to her back AND she said her first word: momma. That's right, I won the parent popularity contest. 

October

• Had my first taste of Nutella tonight. Amazing stuff. Then I immediately gave some to Shye because I don't want her to go without it for 28 years like her momma.
• So long Steve Jobs. See you in iHeaven!
• Homemade Halloween costumes...never, ever, ever again. 

November

• Famous last words: "I'm just gonna run into Target for some diapers."
• Woke up to a spotlessly clean house...the magic cleaning fairy really does exist!!!!!
• Alright, let's get this baby showered!
• I find it incredibly annoying when someone with a previously open profile suddenly goes all private. I have stalking needs people!

December

• At lunch today I was feeding Shye applesauce and dipping my french fries into some Ranch while talking on the phone. Next thing I know I'm eating an applesauced fry and feeding Shye a spoonful of Ranch. Multitasking fail. 
• New skinny jeans = lots of deep knee bends
• So my friends told me that he and his girlfriend recently broke up and my first response was, "well, at least you don't have to buy her a Christmas present". Somebody slap me. Please. 
• Nothing like being woken up by being whacked in the face with an empty bottle. I guess that is babyspeak for "wake up mom, I'm hungry."
• Lost my phone. Feel free to reach me via smoke signals. 
• Found my phone. Please put out all those fires before Smokey the Bear hunts me down.

I don't think I'm alone in saying that 2011 was one zinger of a year. I won't be sorry to see it go. I'm absolutely positive that 2012 will be better...provided that the world doesn't end.