The State of My Uterus

Hello and welcome to today's bit of internet overshare. In short, my uterus is currently unoccupied. As most of you know, this is a situation that I've been trying to rectify for almost two years (minus the few months that I took off earlier this year to recover from a miscarriage). So basically I'm on the verge of losing my mind. A few months ago I had a series of extensive and expensive tests done by a fertility specialist which revealed absolutely nothing. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. According to this dr I'm a picture of fertilty health and my experiences last year were probably nothing other than an unusually long streak of bad luck. While I was incredibly relieved to find out that I didn't have cancer or anything like that I was also disturbed that I still had no answers about what was causing my recurrent miscarriages. She just gave me a prescription for progesterone and wished me luck.

And so I've been back to the drawing board. I really, really, REALLY hate this part. Well not the actual "trying" part, that's always fun. ;) No, the part I hate is the two weeks of counting days, charting temps, peeing on sticks to determine ovulation, and the anxiety of trying to time things juuuust right, followed by the two weeks of nervousness in waiting to see if it all worked, misinterpreting every little body twinge and ache as an early sign of pregnancy, peeing on more sticks, and then a few more because I probably tested too early to begin with, followed by the crushing disappointment of either seeing a negative sign or finally getting a period. It would an understatement to say that it is an emotional roller coaster. Every. Dang. Month. I wish I could just "let it happen" or even better, fall pregnant on accident. Haha! I wonder what that is even like. I think I have a better chance of simultaneously winning the lottery and getting struck by lightening than getting pregnant on accident. And if anyone thinks I'm tempting fate by saying that then so be it. Go ahead fate. Make me pregnant.

If all this makes me sound like I'm bitter, well it's because I am. A little. Maybe it's because all of Shye's little friends already have at least one younger sibling and some even have two. Maybe it's because someone had the audacity to tell me how they prayed for a miscarriage once. Maybe because this just isn't how it was supposed to be. I remember telling a co-worker how I was planning to wait until Shye was 2 to start trying again, and then when that baby was 2, I would try for another and so on. She just chuckled and said something along the lines of "that's cute, hope it works out for you because life doesn't usually go according to plan". Ugh. Or maaaybe it's because I'm just pmsing and need a diet coke and a midol.Yeah, that's probably it. Until next time folks.