On being an "older" mom

I was 28 when I became a mom. Hardly old in my mind, but over and over again I kept getting comments about my advanced age while I was pregnant, "Oh, pregnancy is so much harder when you're older isn't it?" "You aren't going to be able to space your kids out that much since you started so late."  "Don't you worry about having enough energy to keep up with your kids?" And now that I'm nearing my thirties people are becoming more and more concerned about the unoccupied state of my uterus. I had no idea that 30 was the deadline for bearing children. I always thought is was closer to 40ish. My mistake.

First of all, before anyone rushes to get their pitchfork, let me just say this post is NOT a condemnation of young mothers. I know lots of young moms who are doing a fabulous job and could probably teach me a thing or two about mothering. I'm writing this post because I have several friends who want children and for various reasons can't have them right now and I've heard them fretting about being too old to have kids. Sure, there are some advantages to being a young mom but there are definitely some advantages to being a older mom too. Allow me to explain.

Older moms are more laid back. I've been watching my friends have kids for over a decade now. I've seen a lot of parenting trends come and go. I mean, how many times have they changed the advice on infant sleeping positions? So when I was pregnant with Shye I decided that I wasn't going to read any parenting books. I didn't want to commit to a parenting style that may or may not work for us.  I just wanted to do whatever came natural to me. I would have never had such a laid back attitude when I was younger. While there has certainly been some trial and error, I've been pretty happy with the results. I know which battles are worth fighting and which ones just don't matter. I don't stress out about milestones, stats, and percentiles. Shye is happy, healthy, and thriving. But boy, have I caught some flak for not having any specific parenting techniques. I'll never forget when a friend asked me what kind of sleep training I had used to get Shye to sleep through the night and I was somewhat flummoxed for a response because I didn't really have a method, we co-slept and that I tried to keep things on the down-low (lights off, quiet) in the middle of the night feedings and diaper changes. Needless to say, she never asked me for advice again. Which brings me to my next point.

Older moms are more self secure. One of the best things about getting older is how much more confident and secure I am in the decisions that I make. When I was younger I always took criticism really hard but now I'm older I really don't care what people think of me. Unsolicited advice and criticism don't really bother me anymore which is great because let me tell you, mommyhood is basically an endless judgement-fest. I'm not really concerned about doing things the "right" way or impressing other moms. I know what my limits are and I just do whatever works for me. I'm not a perfect mom but I am a pretty good one and I'm totally fine with that.

Older moms have more life experiences. Another nice thing about being an older mom is that I had a life before I had kids. I finished a degree, traveled a bit, lived on my own, worked, became financially independent, supported a husband through school, moved to 3 different states, and so forth.  I feel like all these experiences made me more well-rounded, more open-minded and therefore a better mom. It has also helped me keep my sense of self outside of being a mom. This one is both a blessing and a frustration sometimes, only because I don't get to spend nearly as much time as I would like to on some of my outside interests. These days Shye only takes one nap everyday for about an hour which is pretty much the only time I get to myself anymore. I never seem to get to do everything that I want to. But that's ok because I know that this stage of my life is temporary and that someday I'll have more time to devote to other things.

Older moms are more aware of short life is. The older I get the faster time seems to go and the more I'm able to appreciate all of life's little seasons. When I was younger I was so impatient to for life to start, to move out, to be done with college, to get married, to have a house, etc.  But looking back it is hard for me to believe that I moved out 12 years ago. It's hard for me to believe that I graduated from college 8 years ago. It's hard for me to believe that I've been married for almost 7 years. And so I know that one day, not too long from now, I'm going to be looking at my grown children and wondering where all the time went. That's what keeps me going through those inevitable tough days.

So for all my lady friends out there who are finding themselves on the wrong side of their twenties (another delightful term for being over 25) and childless: don't worry, being an older mom is not so bad.

Heck, maybe I'll write a book called Geriatric Parenting: A Guide to Being a Hip Old Momma.