Childbirth = One huge cosmic joke

A while back I decided that I wasn't going to post my birth story here on my blog. I'm a pretty open person and will talk about anything...but for some reason I just can't bring myself to share the gritty details of childbirth on internets for the whole world to see. If you want to hear the long version my childbirth story you'll have to ask me but here's the short of it: I had an induction. After 24 hours of labor I failed to progress and had to have a c-section. 

But I did want to post some interesting tidbits from my ordeal.

• For the first 24 hours after surgery morphine makes you itch. Like crazy. Like getting chicken pox and then rolling around in Poison Ivy kind of itching. Should I ever choose to become an addict I will definitely be staying away from morphine. 
• It also made me completely unable to communicate with anyone besides my mom and Brian. Whenever the doctor's or nurses would talk to me it sounded like gibberish, I had to wait for mom or Brian to translate for me.
• Some nurses are complete jerks. One of mine woke me up at 4am to ask me if I wanted a whooping cough vaccine. Another came in after Brian and I spent 3 hours getting Shye to sleep and shined a flashlight in her face while she took Shye's vitals. My labor and delivery nurse told me to stop shaking as they were prepping me for the c-section, as if I didn't have a good reason to be scared.
• The whole getting the baby out part of the c-section was really fast. I was shocked to hear her cry within like two minutes. But then it felt like it took them forever to put me back together again. 
• My doctor really is a nazi. Not only did she not show me the baby when they pulled her out but after the surgery was over, she just casually poked her head around the sheet and said "looks like I'm all done here, I'll see you tomorrow". I felt like saying "how about a congratulations, or everything looks good, or you did a great job staying calm while I cut you open and played with your innards for 30 minutes". 
• After watching me suffer through labor and a c-section Brian decided that I deserved naming rights. I was so excited because it was obviously going to be Adele. But after a few hours of trying to call her Adele it just wasn't working. When I switched to Cheyenne it immediately took. Brian was as shocked as everyone else when I decided to go with Cheyenne. 
• Right after she was born Shye latched on and nursed like a champ for about 20 minutes. I was so happy because it seemed like nothing had been easy during my entire pregnancy and delivery and that maybe, I would be one of those lucky ones who gets a professional nurser for a baby. But no such luck, the very next time I tried to feed her Shye suddenly developed amnesia and couldn't remember how to nurse. Three lactation consultants and many tears later, I think we've got it down.
• I always thought that the whole urban myth about hospital food being bad was probably a little overblown...until I had hospital food. The thing is everything on the menu sounds good. Grilled salmon. California turkey sandwich with avocados. Penne pasta with sun-dried tomato sauce. But when the food actually arrived everything looked like it came from a can and was assembled by a five year old.

Momma and Shye ready to go home.

Shye waving goodbye to the stinky hospital.

Sleep smiles are the most adorable thing ever.

All in all, it wasn't fun. I'm just glad that I'm not pregnant anymore and that I have my little girl.